Meet Zoe Carada, fiction writer and blogger
… the host announces. Ahead of me is a crowd of readers, some of them already holding my novel, Lili Comes to Herself, on their laps.
“I was born in Romania,” I begin, “live in the beautiful Black Forest in Germany, and write in English. So I'm a writer between three languages – but also countless quests. First I was an exile, then an expat, now I’m finally at home in my world. Through my fiction writing, I invite you to travel to other spaces and times as I tell stories of becoming, growing, and connecting. Please join me in exploring the fine boundaries between fiction and reality,” I conclude my opening lines, short of breath.
Welcome to my world
…I proclaim with a pathos that startles even me. The spotlight makes me nervous.
“My professional background is in applied linguistics, English language teaching, and educational assessment. I work full-time in education, focusing on qualification frameworks, and travel frequently.
“I'm interested in sustainability and in the mind-body-spirit connection. For example, I avoid piling up plastic packaging in my bin, and I like vegetarian alternatives. I meditate every day, on the rug or by hiking, dancing, or gazing out the window. From where I live, I can see the Black Forest woods on the one side, and the Rhine valley on the other. I suppose I love having a choice.”
Character-driven fiction about inner journeys and identity
I’m suddenly yanked back from my momentary daydream when I hear the host saying this.
“But what kind of writer are you? What’s character-driven fiction?” a somewhat grumpy gentleman in the far left corner interrupts.
Silence. “It means that whatever is going on outside, I look into what goes on inside the character’s mind.”
“Ahem,” an elderly lady comes in clearing her throat.
Who else writes like Zoe Carada?
I gulp. I need prominent names that everyone might recognise, but I don’t want anyone to believe I compare my writing to those authors' level of excellence.
“Right, let’s say that if you like Jonathan Franzen and Elena Ferrante, you might enjoy my book, too.”
I see some nods in the audience.
“When did you start writing? We never heard of you,” a young lady speaks up.
“The first fictional story I wrote, at twelve, was about a girl called Michelle that both John Lennon and Paul McCartney were in love with – I know!” I exclaim, noticing smiles in the public.
“For decades I tried to keep up with writing while life kept crashing in. Until a few years ago, when I decided it was time to sit down and write. I had a story that I wanted to tell.”
I pause. The room is silent. Are they hanging on my words? “That's how Lili Comes to Herself came to be.”
A coming-of-age novel
“In 1986 Romania, brainy and introverted Lili Danes is suffocating with estrangement. Her only hope: get into university, study physics, and become an astrophysicist. She’s got many things wrong about life. To her, standing out is dangerous under the ever-watchful eye of the communist state, so she keeps herself to herself. Taught that embracing pain leads to breakdown, she switches off in the face of adversity to stay strong. Life to her is an equation governed by laws and logic.
“But when this equation is shattered by incomprehensible events, she becomes lost. Blow after blow pushes her further into a sleepwalker’s trance — and an anti-romance. With disaster looming, she will need to speak up at the risk of standing out and will have to embrace pain as a way out. She will need to examine her choices: what version of herself can she still be?”
“1986 Romania? Ha!” someone without a face butts in. “Why should anyone care? Water under the bridge!”
“Well, I guess any book aims to answer at least two questions. One is for the protagonist — to solve their dilemma and move on. The other one is for us, readers. Isn’t that one of the strongest reasons why we keep reading a novel? To see what answer lies at the end?
“And the deeper question that Lili's story asks us, readers, is: how can we free ourselves from the conditionings created to deal with failure? Even more so, when the society and our role models, in or outside the family, are the very drivers of such mechanisms?
“Following her arc, I think we can all relate; so many of us have felt pressured to become someone else, when we might have exclaimed, just like Lili,
This isn't me!
“How easy is it to find that version of ourselves we want to stick with? If there's a way to free ourselves from mindless fumbling in the dark, what is it? Lili finds one. At least for a while, as the story's final line goes.”
The audience is still. I can hear a fly buzzing somewhere by the window.
“Okay, we got it!” the grumpy gentleman speaks again. “I already bought the book at the front door. I liked the cover.”
“Yes,” several voices murmur and heads turn towards him with a nod.
Huh, great! Sheer exhilaration. I must take care not to get high on success, though, I tell myself.
“Reading Lili Comes to Herself, you are diving into a world that many of you, dear readers, won't be familiar with. Communist oppression not only crushed people's choices in terms of anything ranging from food to travel to living standards; in a more elusive way, it dictated the possible life courses available — and these were but a few.
“Communism, however, did not happen in a void. The Romanian society was, in 1986, when Lili's in her last school year, still a patriarchal one, based on power, status, and an orthodox moral code.
“Womanhood? Love? Fulfilment? Ideals.
“Sex, marriage, relationships? For reproductive purposes, so that they become honourable pursuits. No wonder Lili's image of herself is being put to test.
Is it only novels you write?
Almost forgot!
“Thanks for asking! Actually, I write a blog called Mentatrix on Substack. That's mostly nonfiction or short stories, all related to self-reflection and mindfulness. If you’re interested in thoughtful, sometimes funny, sometimes intriguing Sunday reading, you can subscribe for free here.”
But the signs around the room urge readers to sign up for my author newsletter. Many are quick to realise this is not the Sunday reading on Substack.
Why should we sign up for this newsletter here?
The Substack posts are for whoever likes short reading every Sunday. You are here, though, because you kindly bought my book and were keen enough to find out about Lili Comes to Herself today. This newsletter is exclusive content just for you. For example, material that didn’t make it into the book, or extra scenes or information about life in Romania back in the 80s.
What’s coming next?
Well, that’s one other reason to sign up for the newsletter. We can stay in touch and you’ll be updated on what's coming out and when. You can drop me a line any time to ask a question, to tell me how you felt about a particular scene.
“Sure, but are you working on anything right now?” the young lady raises her voice to cover the shuffle of feet and chairs as the audience is forming a file for the signing.
“Yes, I am,” I reply, grateful for the question. “It’s a romance,” I say, winking at her.
“A character-driven one, I suppose,” she teases. “What about Lili? I’m already half-way through and I think surely there must be a series so we can follow her later in her life.”
I gasp. Why didn’t I think of it?
Maybe. Watch this space — ahem, sign up for the newsletter, please!
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